Neatly Wrapped, Rarely Used
So there I was… 16 years old, hiding under a table, scared to death of one thing: reading a children’s book in front of 30 people. In that moment, I realized something was wrong. I had been in speech club for 7 years. Why was I still afraid of public speaking?
A year later, I had finally figured it out: I wasn’t using my gifts properly. It sounds simple and I’m sure you’ve heard this advice before. But I want to break it down into two segments: understanding your gifts and using your gifts.
- Understanding Your Gifts
The first step to utilizing the gifts you’re given is to know what they are. And no: I’m not talking about taking an enneagram test. We can further break this down by the source of your gifts.
First, you have your God-given gifts. These come from within. A warm smile or an endearing personality are both examples of inner gifts. These gifts still need to be honed, but you can’t hone a skill that you don’t know you have. You can try making a list yourself of the gifts you think you have. But a better way would be to consider outside perspectives.
Often, other people can see things in us that we would normally look over. Think about what attributes people ascribe to you: “You’re funny.” or, “You write beautifully.” These are references to your personal gifts. If you prefer a more clear-cut approach, try asking your friends what words they would use to describe you. Exercises like these will deepen your understanding of your resources.
The second source of your gifts is the people around you. Their gifts can be things like words of advice or a compassionate hug. These gifts are vital to improving our natural gifts. But they aren’t always easy gifts to use.
Sometimes, others’ gifts come in the form of criticism. And sometimes, that criticism comes wrapped in a trash bag and thrown at your head. But it’s important to remember that criticism is – in the words of my aunt – “advice unasked for.” As painful as these gifts can be, the best thing we can do is use them (or at least throw them out quietly.)
- Using Your Gifts
On a daily basis, we are given both gifts from others and opportunities to perfect our natural ones. So how can we utilize this effectively? How can that 16 year old find the strength to get out from under the table? Once again, we’ll break it down into two segments.
The first step is to recognize what is holding you back. Give your boundaries a label. Call them out by name. For me, it was fear of rejection. I hated the idea of people judging me (and not just the competition judges) for the things I said.
Identifying and calling out your hurdles will help you understand how high you have to jump to get over them. Sometimes all it takes is a deep breath before a round. Other times, it means rewiring your brain.
I struggled with the latter. In order to overcome my fear of rejection, I needed to find something more important to me. I began to write a speech that I called “the message.” It was filled with the things I wanted to tell the people around me: things I considered more important than my reputation.
Over time, it morphed into my informative on communication. The first time I presented that speech, I left the room feeling lighter than air. There was no heavy feeling of anxiety, no 30 minute de-stress session after, no fear. (I did have several memory slips but that’s beside the point.)
The second step to using your gifts effectively is to practice using them. As a classical violinist, practice is a word I’ve heard far too many times. But I also know that the more you use your gifts in everyday life, the more intuitive it will feel in performance.
A couple years ago, there was a duo team in our region that was having trouble getting into character during their speech as it was a very serious piece. They began getting into character randomly throughout the week for about 10 minutes. In addition, they did the same thing 20 minutes before their speech round. It was a little eerie, but it was effective.
Practicing with your gifts can only do good for you. I remember seeing a sign inside a dance studio that read, “Practice makes progress, not perfect.” It’s okay to not be perfect the first time you try. Take the time to consciously work on yourself and you will see progress.
The final step to help use your gifts is to keep it simple. Find something to latch on to that will remind you of everything you practiced: a phrase, song, prayer, whatever works. Think of it like a light switch. Every time you practice, start by turning on the “light switch.” Your brain will make the connection between a set of skills and their precursor.
During the 2020 season, I was competing with an original open that had a short song in it. Before each round, I would sing that song to myself quietly as a reminder of the purpose of the piece. It helped me keep my focus and quickly brought to mind what I had practiced.
Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my favorite quote from one of my debate coaches, Mrs. Storz. “Communication is loving others enough to speak their language, instead of demanding that they speak yours.” Not only does improving communication benefit you but also it benefits others.
That little 16 year old hiding under a table just finished her last competition in June, having qualified to the national competition. Despite my successes in speech and debate, I will never forget where I started. It reminds me that I am no better than any other competitor. I am just another person working hard to use my gifts, both God-given and society driven, for the betterment of myself and those around me.
I am also reminded of a passage from my informative on communication. Ephesians 4:14-15, “that we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; but speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”
The next verse explains why it’s so important to improve our communication. “’from whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.” Increasing our capacity for “effectual working” not only benefits ourselves but also others. And most importantly, understanding and using our gifts effectively furthers the witness of the body of Christ.
Are you ready to grow your skills in Public Speaking? Do you want to be able to gain confidence? Do you want to learn more about the art of communication? Join one of the 14 different online clubs this fall! Registration will be closing SOON! Head to the SHOP and register today!