“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” -George Bernard Shaw. Most people who have known me for a while, know at least these two things about me. 1. I am a Christian and 2. I have a hearing impairment. Those two things taught me one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned: effective communication is essential. But what is effective communication? We can break it down into four requirements. Effective communication requires clarity, speaking, love, and listening.
1. Clarity
When I was 3 years old, my parents discovered that I had a hearing impairment. This was due to an infection called cholesteatoma which is a tumor that stores bacteria. Through a complex series of events including 17 surgeries, the infection was removed. But that’s a story for another day. Today’s story is about the consequences of that infection.
Even while I was young, it was quite obvious that I loved words. I learned to read in preschool and by kindergarten, I could write in both print and cursive. As far as I was concerned, my speaking style was flawless. Except for one problem: no one could understand me.
My hearing impairment made it difficult for me to hear when I was slurring words and mispronouncing consonants. So, I couldn’t hear that I wasn’t being clear. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t communicate my thoughts in a form that other people could understand.
Fortunately, my mom started me in speech therapy where I learned not to rely on my hearing to speak, but to slow down and concentrate on forming words. I don’t remember much of therapy. At the time, I was too young to understand what was happening, but it taught me that speaking requires clarity. In an article published by Forbes, Steve Olenski writes about why clarity is important in communication. He says the following: “As a general rule, people do not listen attentively. Therefore, it’s your job to speak as clearly and effectively as possible. Remember, the goal of communication is clarity.” The very purpose of communication is to clarify. Learning that was the first step in my journey towards effective communication. The second step leads me to the second requirement.
2. Speaking
A couple years of speech therapy fixed my speaking style. To us, it seemed that I was now a master of the English language. Obviously, I would need no further instruction in communication. However, I had only learned half of what communication was. I had learned that communication was speaking clearly but I hadn’t really learned that communication requires speaking.
You could call me shy, but that wouldn’t be the right word. I was afraid. Afraid that if I said my thoughts, that I would be misunderstood again. Afraid that I would waste my breath when no one really cared what I had to say. It was those thoughts that kept me from speaking.
Luckily for me, my mom signed me up for the National Christian Forensics and Communications Association. There is no “I’m afraid of being rejected” escape route in NCFCA. Even still, I spent the first years of speech class hiding in the back of class or under tables or really any available hiding place.
But eventually, the lessons I learned began to sink in until I finally realized that communication isn’t about me. In Matthew 10:19-20, Jesus is preparing His disciples for the crucifixion and He says this to them. “ ‘But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you.‘ ”
As a Christian, my words are not my own. When I speak, I speak from a heart that shows my relationship with God. My fear of messing up or being misunderstood should never limit my ability to speak because, as 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” Once I learned that, I started speaking nonstop. When people ask what made me change, I tell them I learned that communication requires speaking, but it also requires love which leads me to my third point.
3. Love
For the first several years I was competing in speech and debate, I thought it was about being the best of a group. All I had to do was follow the “Ultimate Speaking Strategy” and I would be successful and go to nationals and everyone would love me and my life would be complete etc. etc.
After a failed impromptu round, I quickly realized that was wrong. This league isn’t about any one person. It’s about love. I don’t mean to sound like a Hallmark movie but it’s true. NCFCA is designed to help young kids grow in speaking skills with the hope that they will use those skills for God’s glory.
As believers in Christ, we are held to a standard of unconditional Christlike love. Matthew 22:37-39 says “‘Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. ‘ ” The basic foundation of our faith is love. If we fail to show love in our everyday communication, then we fail to communicate our faith to others.
I’ve been taking you through my journey of learning to communicate. Now, we come to 2019 when I decided to take on a totally new challenge: lincoln-douglas debate. At that time, my brother was teaching the class which was both helpful and intimidating. There were only four kids in the class. In other words, no hiding in the back for me.
Despite that, I made debate as work-free as possible. I didn’t do the homework. I didn’t write a case. I didn’t even research the topic. Bottom line: I didn’t want to do debate. If I’m being honest, I chose to debate because my mom told me I could have an economics credit if I debated free trade vs. fair trade.However, my apathy towards debate did teach me the final requirement for effective communication.
4. Listening
Even though I put very little work into debate, I ended up doing fairly well. I won a couple rounds and I lost several rounds. But one specific debate will forever be stuck in my mind.
My opponent was a successful, seasoned debater and I was… well, I was me. Here I am: a kid who’s only debating for economics credit against a kid who has years of experience. To put it simply; I was scared out of my wits. I was sure that I would be destroyed. And I was, but not for the reason I thought.
The Greek philosopher, Epictetus, once said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” This is where the hearing impairment comes back into play. My impairment only affects my left ear which means that when I’m affirmative, I have to rearrange the room setup so that I’m tilted slightly towards my opponent. Unfortunately, in this debate, I forgot to do that.
I got up, gave my affirmative constructive, everything was going great until after cross-examination. My opponent got up to give his negative constructive and I realized that I couldn’t hear a word of what he was saying.
I was already anxious enough debating an accomplished debater. Now, I was debating something I couldn’t hear. Needless to say, the rebuttal that followed his speech was not exactly my best.
Although that round was a little bit frazzling, I came out of it understanding in a new way why listening is so important in communication. According to socialmettle.com, “The cycle of communication is said to be complete only when the receiver has understood the sender’s message and intent.” Communication doesn’t just need a sender of a message. It needs a receiver. We need to be ready to be that receiver.
At the end of the day, clarity, speaking, love, and listening should flavor our speech because without them, it is nearly impossible to communicate. Proper communication helps us and others grow in Christ. Ephesians 4:14-15 says this, “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”
Works Cited
“George Bernard Shaw Quotes.” BrainyQuote, Xplore, https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/george_bernard_shaw_385438.
Olenski, Steve. “Five Communication Skills That Make Good Leaders Great.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 5 Apr. 2016, www.forbes.com/sites/steveolenski/2016/03/29/five-communication-skills-that-make-good-leaders-great/#5322eee07ae9.
“Matthew 10:19-20 But When They Deliver You up, Do Not Worry about How or What You Should Speak. For It Will Be given to You in That Hour What You Should Speak; for It Is Not You Who Speak, but the Spirit of Your Fathe: New King James Version (NKJV): Download The Bible App Now.” Matthew 10:19-20 But When They Deliver You up, Do Not Worry about How or What You Should Speak. For It Will Be given to You in That Hour What You Should Speak; for It Is Not You Who Speak, but the Spirit of Your Fathe | New King James Version (NKJV) | Download The Bible App Now, https://my.bible.com/bible/114/MAT.10.19-20.
“2 Timothy 1, King James Version (KJV): The Bible App.” Read the Bible. A Free Bible on Your Phone, Tablet, and Computer., www.bible.com/bible/1/2TI.1.KJV.
“Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus Said unto Him, Thou Shalt Love the Lord Thy God with All Thy Heart, and with All Thy Soul, and with All Thy Mind. This Is the First and Great Commandment. And the Second Is like unto It, Thou Sh: King James Version (KJV): Download The Bible App Now.” Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus Said unto Him, Thou Shalt Love the Lord Thy God with All Thy Heart, and with All Thy Soul, and with All Thy Mind. This Is the First and Great Commandment. And the Second Is like unto It, Thou Sh | King James Version (KJV) | Download The Bible App Now, https://my.bible.com/bible/1/MAT.22.37-39.
“Epictetus Quotes.” BrainyQuote, Xplore, www.brainyquote.com/quotes/epictetus_106298?src=t_communication.
R, Aarti. “Four Types of Communication.” SocialMettle, SocialMettle, 5 Apr. 2018, https://socialmettle.com/four-types-of-communication.
“Ephesians 4:14-15 That We Henceforth Be No More Children, Tossed to and Fro, and Carried about with Every Wind of Doctrine, by the Sleight of Men, and Cunning Craftiness, Whereby They Lie in Wait to Deceive; But Speaki: King James Version (KJV): Download The Bible App Now.” Ephesians 4:14-15 That We Henceforth Be No More Children, Tossed to and Fro, and Carried about with Every Wind of Doctrine, by the Sleight of Men, and Cunning Craftiness, Whereby They Lie in Wait to Deceive; But Speaki | King James Version (KJV) | Download The Bible App Now, https://my.bible.com/bible/1/EPH.4.14-15.